'It drags up horrible memories' - the dark side of Lions judgement day

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Hidden away on a club laptop, perhaps already among the deleted items, there is other footage.

In it, a discreetly distanced camera zooms in on a player's face and catches only disappointment as their name slips away unspoken during last Thursday's British and Irish Lions squad announcement.

For them, there is no eruption of noise from their team-mates or hugs from friends and family. No celebration post on social media, no photoshoot with the famous red shirt, no call-up to one of the most exclusive teams in sport.

Only a gap in their summer calendar, and a void where hope had grown but was shattered in an instant.

Four years ago, on the touchline of Bath's Recreation Ground, there was a glimpse of that private devastation.

Kyle Sinckler, a three-Test tourist to New Zealand in 2017, a star of the 2019 World Cup and an England regular, was thought to be a shoo-in, but instead he was left out of the initial squad to tour South Africa.

Two days later, he was interviewed after Bristol's win over Bath.

"It's been tough - it means so much to me," he told TNT Sports,, external his voice breaking with emotion.

"In a year or two's time I will look back at it and it will all make sense, but right now it doesn't.

"I have never experienced something like this in my whole life, never mind my career."

Danny Care experienced it more than he would like.

The 38-year-old scrum-half has been a serial contender for Lions squads, without ever being a passenger on the plane.

"It's horrible," he told Rugby Union Weekly.

"I get the drama of the announcement, with no-one knowing beforehand. I actually love the drama of it - it is so unique.

"But from being on the other end of it, it is genuinely one of the hardest days. Every four years it comes round, and it drags up some horrible memories."

In 2009, before the Lions tour to South Africa, Care was watching the squad announcement at Harlequins' training ground, alongside team-mate and friend Ugo Monye.

Both had played in England's Six Nations campaign earlier in the year and harboured hopes of being involved. Monye went, Care did not.

"We were in the training ground and when Ugo got named we were buzzing," Care remembers. "So many of us were so happy for him, but personally I didn't get named then had to go and train straight after.

"Everyone says how sorry they feel for you, but there is nothing they can say to make it better. It's tough."

Mike Brown went through the same in 2017. Except he did not even make it to Harlequins' training ground.

On his way in on the morning of the announcement, listening on the radio, he heard he wouldn't be touring as details of the squad leaked out to the media.

Brown, who has started every game for England's Six Nations winners in 2017, was bereft.

"I was gutted. Embarrassed. I felt like a failure - worthless," he remembered in a recent Linkedin post., external

"I trained that day with my head in the clouds, empty. Questioning everything. As you can imagine, I was awful in the session. Dropped balls, no energy, silent. I just wanted to get home and hide away."

Care's final shot at Lions selection came in 2021. After steering Harlequins to a thrilling Premiership triumph, there was a groundswell of support for the then 34-year-old to make the tour to South Africa.

Even the man at the centre was swept along.

"I hadn't played for England in over two years, but people start saying things, picking teams and saying I was definitely on the plane," he said.

"[Former Lions captain] Sam Warburton said something and I thought, 'if Sam says it then maybe, just maybe'.

"Then [Lions coach] Warren Gatland comes to watch one of your games. And, again, you think maybe I am going to be in.

"I am so happy for the lads who have been picked, but I don't know what that feeling must be like.

"You see the reaction videos and it looks like the coolest feeling you could ever have, but I have never had that and never will."

The spectre of Lions selection - never mind the fallout from non-selection - can spook players, says Chris Ashton.

The former Saracens, Northampton, Sale, Leicester, Harlequins and Worcester wing is the all-time leading Premiership try-scorer and crossed 20 times in 44 appearances for England.

He was hotly tipped for the 2013 squad, but then overlooked.

His hopes of making the squad, along with those of several England stars, were harmed by their team's implosion against Wales in the final round of that year's Six Nations.

"It actually ruined my whole season, to be honest," says Ashton.

"I would play a game, and be desperate to play well. Then, when you don't, the next week you think you absolutely have to play well.

"Any sportsperson in that sort of mindset is never going to perform - when you are trying so hard to do well and you just can't get going."

Sometimes, Lions rejects do get going though.

While Care, Ashton and Brown never wore Lions red, Sinckler, so stricken by his initial omission, did end up on the 2021 tour of South Africa.

Ireland's Andrew Porter, who had been preferred to him, suffered a toe injury before the team departed, prompting a belated call-up.

A couple of months after his emotional interview at the Rec, the England prop was on the touchline once again.

This time, it was to make his entrance off the bench and into the first Test against the Springboks.

Missing out stays with players. For a lucky few though, not for too long.

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